Ghosts of Mars

Dear readers, I got off work early tonight and decided I wanted to see something Martian in nature.

Lo and behold, I find Ghosts of Mars. Ice Cube and Jason Statham are at opposite sides of the law, you guess which side each occupies. Statham, aka Jericho, and Ice Cube, aka Desolation James, round out the manly side of this cast but I should mention that Mars is, in the year 2176, a "Matriarchal" planet. Natasha Henstridge is the main heroine of this plot though I've never heard of her before so I lead with Jason Statham; honorable mention, Pam Grier shows face for about 20 minutes as the lesbian captain of her police squad.

Speaking of Police Squad, this movie is about as comical as they come.

A police crew is taking a train ride across Mars to transfer Ice Cube from a mining town to the main city to stand trial. they arrive and find a desolated town, then find everyone eventually dead. But dead like Reaver style dead (from Firefly) and the whacked out survivors are bloodthirsty and like to a. poke sharp things into and through their skin (lots of pierced nips) and b. decapitate people and c. apparently indulge in goth interior decorating when there are no more people to kill.

Martian ghosts have escaped from their tomb and possess human bodies in order to keep Mars from falling into the hands of invaders (hooomans). the actual scientist who has let loose this ethereal menace onto the population by touching an ancient martian door in a mining camp a few miles away explains her being inside the jail with Desolation by stating she escaped via hot air balloon which crash landed inside this town.

So once you kill one of these Reaver types the ghost dispossesses and moves onto a new victim. Our main heroine suffers such a fate but thankfully Jason Statham notices that she likes to get high during his very vigorous cock-wagging courtship of her and so pops her one ecstasy tab after she is possessed. She gets better and lives to fight another day, except this next time she decides to try to blow up a nuclear reactor and gets everyone but herself and Ice Cube killed. the Martians didnt evolve into gun-toting types, instead they like to hurl metal death frisbees which decapitate every non-main character in this scene. Jason Statham dies as a supporting cast actor should in this sort of movie: pummeled to death at close range by a swarm of retarded martians. there is a cut away scene where they're all really savoring the A-list kill they finally got, Pam Grier gets killed way back and she's only like C-list so they're very hungry!

Movie endings, like movie beginnings, middles and dialogue, are not this director's forte. Our heroine arrives safely at base to debrief but in just a few short minutes we finally get to see her in underwear as the Ghosts of Mars were not defeated merely by a nuclear bomb and start possessing people in the Capital. As the red dust gathers in a panning overhead shot, we go back to our heroine dressing. Ice Cube bursts in suddenly with chromed out Uzis and what follows may be the longest dialogue of cliches I have ever heard.

think total recall meets mad max but everyone has pierced nipples and men are called "breeders".

Fin.