Why I drove home before Tree of Life began

Film Club, I didn't get to see Tree of Life. I don't think I'll be able to see the movie until it opens around here. I don't have the $$ to drive back to Ithaca and pay for another movie right now. Save some of your arguing energy for me.

What happened:

I was sitting in the lobby of Cinemapolis texting with John and Facebook messaging about how to start a Binghamton area hackerspace with someone I met over the weekend when I heard a woman say, "Should we sit?" 

I glanced up from my phone just in time to see an old man wobble, catch himself and then overcompensate. My reaction time was too slow, the distance between us too great. He hit the floor. Hard. 

The man was too weak to stand with only the aid of my hand. I had to pick him up from behind and carry him to the chair - something that I am sure had to be more than embarrassing for this man who, still in complete control of all his mental faculties, has had to endure the ignominy of watching his body wither away. 

I'll spare you the gory details except to say that he had recently had about half his foot amputated. Already being weak, he had just sat through 138 minutes of The Tree of Life and his legs had seized up. When he took the shoe/bandage combo off, it was obvious that the fall opened up all the stitches of what was left of his foot and provided him a bloody stump with which to deal. While his sister pulled the car around, I stayed and talked with him a bit. How do you hold back tears when someone is trying to regain their dignity? He told me about dealing with his foot, how strong he had been getting recently and that he had, earlier that day, completed an entire trip to Wegman's with no pain or problems. Where, he wondered, would this new injury put him in the healing process? I stood there and sympathized, consoled and then wished him a speedy recovery as he made his way to the car and the emergency room. 

But the thing is this: he is probably entering a stage in his life where embarrassment, pain and reliance on others is routine. I saw cases like this so often when I was riding the ambulance and it affected me deeply each time. I tend to internalize and seeing other people in pain, true and undeniable pain, gets to me. It is why I had to eventually get off the ambulance and abort my nursing career before it even got off the ground. 

So, after this I just could not see a movie. Even Tree of Life held no interest and I did not think that I would be able to concentrate. Carrying this man, who was once young and strong and obviously intelligent, to the chair stirred something up. Seeing loss in his downcast eyes and knowing there was nothing I could do hurt. 

I drove home, took a shower and cried a little bit over the unbearable sadness that sometimes exists.